Letters from Marilyn - Update 25

Do you ever wish you could freeze time? Just to hold onto a moment for a little longer?

I have been re-reading M's letters, trying to find the words to launch her story. I have written middle chapters and end chapters, but no beginning chapters. When I place the cursor at the very start of that first page, I find myself staring at it, watching its pulsing and blinking like the ticking of a metronome. It feels like the cursor is waiting for me. Waiting for me to give it letters to form words, and words to form sentences.

Beginnings are the hardest. In writing, in starting over, in taking a step forward into an uncertain future. It is hard to change beginnings, after all. You can alter your path, change your steps, erase your words, create a different ending. But that first moment, it can never be taken back. And since my last post, I have felt without words, stuck staring at a blinking cursor on a blank page.

I have had this mental block for months. I have spent hours, days, weeks pondering how to find the words to lift the fog. I have been on countless drives to nowhere, hoping that the clear roads and skies would somehow clear my mind. I have read dozens of books, believing that immersing myself in a story would perhaps spark ideas for Marilyn's.

Letters from Marilyn - Update 24

Good morning from Montana! 

I promised myself I would take one morning to write while I was on vacation, so here I am, typing away at City Brew Coffee. 

Many of you have written to inquire how I am and how the Marilyn project is going (my last update was March 25, yikes), so I'll take some time to fill you in.

If I am being 100% honest, the last 2 weeks have been rough. I had injured my hand, which came with the frustration of canceling a piano lesson and finding two vocalists a new accompanist. A former student of mine died, too young, too soon (a death I am still processing as I try to find the words to write to her family). 

Meanwhile, my current students have been especially challenging as summer vacation draws nearer. I was in technical rehearsals for our play, which was giving me some serious sleep deprivation. I woke up at 4:00AM the night before performances with the nightmare that my entire set had disappeared, no joke. During this time, a friend had mentioned an email correspondence I sent, in which I had signed off as simply "Liv." She stated that when I don't take the time to type the remaining 3 letters in my name, it is apparently a sign I am losing my marbles. Needless to say, I am going to be more mindful when sending emails from now on!

Letters from Marilyn - Update 23

I have a love/hate relationship with my writing process.

Once I get an idea, I cannot let it go until I have furiously scribbled it on paper. In fact, I think I may have reached a new level of madness recently: inspiration struck, and the only paper on hand was the back of a few old receipts lying neglected in the bottom of my bag. 

That inspiration? In the form of a novel I had loved as a child. I received a pristine copy of Little Women from an old writer friend of mine, who knew it was one of my favorite books. "Perhaps rereading it will get you out of your writer's block," he had said soothingly. My scholarly friends have always heard me vehemently claim that writers are influenced by the literature they have read, and I am certainly no exception to that. Sidebar: don't believe me? J.K. Rowling stated in an interview after the publication of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows that her tale of the deathly hallows was based on "The Pardoner's Tale" from Geoffrey Chaucer's The Canterbury Tales. Harvard has a nice translation from the Middle English here.

I couldn't remember the last time I had reread Little Women. "When am I going to have the time to read this?" I had whined. I needed to make headway on my novel, not reread old literature! "Just try it," he had coaxed. "Take a break. Read a book. Heck, read a few! What harm could it do?"

Letters from Marilyn - Update 22

Hello world!

Today finds me being the stereotypical writer: sitting at Starbucks, earbuds in, busily typing away. I know it has been quite some time since my last update, and many of you readers have emailed, Facebooked (is that even a word?), or tweeted to ask how I have been. Let's recap, then I'll update on the Marilyn progress.

On the life front, the musical wrapped up with set strike on January 28. Moving forward from there, this past week had been a challenge. After 3 months of being at the theater until at least 6:30 Mon-Fri - and yesterday being my first free Saturday in 4 weeks - I have had major rehearsal blues.  

January 28 through February 15 is my small window of time to do "all the life things!" I'll admit, I'm very stir crazy and gloomy right now, which is unusual for me. To try and distract myself, I've spent this week contacting all my friends about getting together, lining up piano gigs, cleaning my apartment, writing a bunch of Marilyn chapters, and polishing my nails multiple times. Sidebar story: yes, multiple (3) times. Yes, I know you all find this weird, friends of mine, that polished nails are a sign I'm stressed. My piano teachers believed in clean, short nails, and to this day, I tend to keep them that way. At the moment however, they are turquoise. Let's hope that doesn't change again.

Letters from Marilyn - Update 21

I made my December 1 deadline. Barely.

Normally I would have followed up here as well on December 1, but surprise, surprise, I was busy. Weak excuse, I know, but that does not make it any less true. Let us take it one month at a time, starting with this one. December's goal is to work on Letters from Marilyn.

January's goal is the musical. I will be one step short of living at the theater (it's basically my second home. I love it there!). There are only 3 days in the entire month I am not scheduled to be at the theater, and let's face it: I will likely be there anyway. So, friends and family, if you need to see me, you will have to come find me! And please, if you bring me coffee I will love you forever. This director seriously needs her java during performance month.

Letters from Marilyn - Update 20

Hello world!

I know it has been almost a month since my last update, so let me take some time to fill you in on the whirlwind of these past few weeks. Conferences came and went. Auditions for the musical concluded and rehearsals have started. Quarter 1 term ended along with a final grading sprint for me, which resulted in lots of late nights as my preps had been booked with meetings.

Then on the side I have accompanied seven vocalists in four weeks on music ranging from French arias, to musical revues, to early Christmas tributes, to pop ballads, to crooners like Sinatra and Crosby. Note to self: never again take on seven vocalists at once, no matter how much I love playing the piano. Any moment not grading papers, planning a musical, or doing life things had been spent practicing all the music. It had gotten to a point where I was waking up at 3:00 in the morning with nightmares about chord progressions and being asked to transpose keys on sight (yes, you can laugh all you like, but the concept of transposing on sight is enough to give any pianist a heart attack). 

In between all of this, I have attended musicals, weddings, birthdays, and family gatherings. It's been a fabulously wonderful - and obviously busy! - past 4 weeks. But my mantra for 2017 has been "make time to live," so that is why I have kept all my plans, canceled nothing, and enjoyed the time with all of you. I am a much better educator, director, pianist, and friend when I make time for these important events, big or small. So keep it coming with the holiday visits ahead, the coffee gatherings with friends, etc. etc. etc!

Letters from Marilyn - Update 19

Happy Wednesday, loves!

I have been having a simply fabulous week. Why, you ask? Let's take a little life stroll before we get into the latest update on Letters from Marilyn. First, all of my 500+ student papers were graded in time for conferences. On the theatre front, I have written the blocking for my entire musical, audition and callbacks material is ready to go, the set is designed, and I have my first two weeks of rehearsals mapped out. And with life: I've had opportunities to see family, celebrate my sister's birthday, and time to catch up with people. Lots of love to all of you for the conversations and your good vibes. I enjoy hearing from everyone. Thank you world, things can only continue to go up from here. I'm excited to see what you have in store for me in the days, weeks, and months to come.

I also have some exciting news to share regarding Letters from Marilyn. I have a prospective literary agent, and am now in the stages of writing sample chapters to send to the agency (along with other agencies, of course!). One thing I love about writing is the flexibility it gives me, so I can continue to write remotely from wherever I like and still do all of the other things that I love: theatre, music, education, etc. It's hard to focus on just one thing when you have many things you are passionate about! It also gives me the flexibility to be both an introvert and an extrovert. I get the time to write, to reflect, and yet still get the time to talk with you, my close family and friends. So those of you I have had many conversations with recently these past few weeks or so (whether it be in person or via social media!) know that I appreciate and value you. Just hearing how you are doing makes my extrovert-heart happy. Now that things have settled down for me, I hope to spend more time focused on you.